In bible study tonight, we were discussing how we see ourselves and our identity, in view of God's holiness. And the question was asked, "What do you think is the look on God's face when he thinks of you right now?"
I was the first to answer, and I answered with my honest gut reaction, I said "disgust."
I see God's heavenly face filled with disgust. Disgust at dealing with the same sins, disgust at my lack of faithfulness, disgust at my lack of trust, disgust at everyday struggles, disgust with my hypocrisy, and so on and so forth.
And then I read this: "If you imagined God as anything but
overjoyed with you, you have fallen into a performance mindset. Because the gospel truth is:
In Christ, God is deeply satisfied with you."
God, satisfied with me?? Not only satisfied, but overjoyed??
Ha, yeah right! I can understand it intellectually, but I can't grasp it emotionally.
This is obviously an important component of my faith that I have yet to properly understand. I always imagine that if I were "better", he would love me more, approve of me more, be more merciful towards me. I know....it sounds juvenile, but when I break it down, that's how I'm living my life.
And in all honesty, living this way is just draining, physically and mentally draining...it "saps the joy and delight out of following Jesus."
I've become acutely aware today of the fact that I need to recognize my freedom and feel that joy that can only come in Christ. To be ever joyful that He has already made me His daughter, that He has already clothed me in righteousness, and that the work is already done!
