What do I know?

Nothing for sure, that’s the short answer.

I feel like more and more I’m becoming a person I don’t recognize or at least am not comfortable with at the moment. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but I definitely feel like I’m at a crossroads in life. Things I’ve held to be true and certain of myself, seem to no longer apply or have drastically changed.  I wonder shouldn't I be getting surer of myself as I get older or is that a myth that everyone perpetuates? Do significant doubts and questions inevitably occur with every new season or transition in life?

When I entered my mid-twenties I distinctly remember starting to become comfortable in my own skin. I thought “Finally!”, I no longer feel like an awkward shy teenager riddled with insecurity and doubt.

But these days, it’s different. These doubts are not superficial as of my teenage years, but delve deeper into the core of who I am.

What do I want?

What will I stand for?

What won’t I stand for?

How am I living?

What are my desires and how do they differ or coincide with what God has clearly shown me to be good and true and right?

In the past two years for reasons I have yet to fully understand, these questions about myself have been popping up. The one saving grace though is that as I do become unwound and unraveled, my depravity reaches for things that are not of myself (because they no longer exist or are certain), but for the one thing that I know to be true, God himself. 

Truthfully.....at the moment, it feels like this is the only thing I know to be certain.